Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 3 Be Clear About What Is Troubling You

In the last post in this series  I discussed the need to be quite clear about what you need to change. I said you needed to be as specific and detailed as you could in the way you defined the change.  Starting with a clear and detailed description has a huge impact on how successful your change might be.  And I hope you have now created your description.

Now, you need to start thinking about emotions. No significant change is made without some impact on our emotions.  Understanding what they are and knowing how to manage the impact can be key to success.

Troublesome emotions like anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, anger, hurt, jealousy and envy can occur at different times in our lives.  They can be associated with lots of different kinds of events. But sometimes they occur when most people would think there should be nothing to worry about.  And they can be very difficult to deal with.

You can find one theme and one emotion recurs time and again.  It doesn’t actually stop you doing something but it can make it more difficult to do and less satisfying.

Teasing out exactly what the emotion is, is the first step in understanding the thoughts and beliefs behind it.  It can be a way to help you gain control of the emotion and make sure things turn out more positively for you in the future.

What do you feel, when you think about the change you have to make? Exactly what emotion is being stirred in you?

Be very honest with yourself. If you need support from a coach in sorting out the emotions that stop you making positive changes, get in touch, my phone number is below.

The next post in this series will be about what aspect of the change is triggering the emotion and why?

If you have tips to share with others about making changes in your life – please get in touch.

The links to the earlier posts in this series are below.

Wendy Mason is a Life and Career Coach.  She helps people have the confidence they need to be successful at work and to change career while maintaining a good work/life balance. You can email her at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com

Related articles

• Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 2 Be Clear About The Change You Want!

  ---

• Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 1 Admit A Change is Needed

  ---

Image credit: Getty Images via @daylife

Help Me Get A Job – Providing A Reference

If you are applying for a job, you can expect the recruiter to ask for, and check out, at least two and probably three of your references. So you need to be prepared.

It is a good idea to have a number of potential referees for you to choose from. But the recruiter is likely to expect to see the details of your most recent employer. This is one reason why it is always a good idea to leave on good terms, even if you have been made redundant. But you can include other people too, if they know your work and your capabilities.

For example, if you volunteer you could ask a senior manager from within the voluntary organization if they would be prepared to give you a personal reference. If you have recently left college, you should certainly include your course tutor. Business acquaintances, suppliers and former clients can also make good referees.

But you do need to ask the referee’s permission, before you give out their details. Even if they have agreed in principle, you should ask them whether they would be happy to provide a reference on this occasion. I know someone who lost an opportunity when they quoted the name of a referee who had past history with the recruiter. If the candidate had checked he would have had forewarning that this was a possibility

You need to know that your referees will respond quickly and that what they say will be positive. Some people don’t like to say no, when asked for a reference. But then the reference they provide is either vague or lukewarm. This usually works to your disadvantage,particularly if the recruiters follows up the letter they receive with a telephone call.

Only ask people to be referees if they really do know you well enough to provide a reference that means something.

It is important to have a good idea of what they are going to say about your background and your performance. Keep them briefed on what you have been doing and it is a good idea to offer them an up to date copy of your CV. If they need further guidance on what to write there are examples of reference letters at this link.

When you leave a position always ask for a recommendation letter for your future use from your manager. Over time, people move on and others lose track. But if you have that letter you have a record you can share.

And when in due course you are asked to provide a reference, play fair.

Never, never say yes, if you don’t feel you can write a sincere recommendation. “Damning with faint praise” is still damning and in this job climate, I believe it is unforgivable!

If you have tips for others, please pass them on.

Working with a coach can make all the difference in your job search – my email address is below.

Wendy Mason is a Life and Career Coach.  She helps people have the confidence they need to be successful at work and to change career while maintaining a good work/life balance. You can email her at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com

Related articles

• Learning to Lead – Giving that Presentation

  ---

• Monday Quotes for Leaders and Managers – Management and Motivation

  ---

• Job Search – Saying Thank You After The Interview Is A Must

  ---

1. Don’t limit yourself. Many people limit themselves to what they think they can do. You can go as far as you mind lets you. What you believe, you can achieve. Mary Kay Ash
2. Decide what you want, decide what you are willing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities and go to work. H.L. Hunt
3. To love what you do and feel that it matters – how could anything be more fun? Katherine Graham
4. The best job goes to the person who can get it done without passing the buck or coming back with excuses. Napoleon Hill
5. Remember that you are needed. There is at least one important work to be done that will not be done unless you do it.  Catherine Pulsifer
6. The will to win is important, but the will to prepare is vital. Joe Paterno
7. The ultimate inspiration is the deadline. Nolan Bushnell
8. Work while others are wishing. Thomas A. Edison
9. Winners take time to relish their work, knowing that scaling

   

   the mountain is what makes the view from the top so exhilarating. Denis Waitley

10. People become really quite remarkable when they start thinking that they can do things. When they believe in themselves they have the first secret of success. Norman Vincent Peale
11. Real success is finding your lifework in the work that you love. David McCullough
12. Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart to give yourself to it. Buddha

Wendy Mason is a Life and Career Coach.  She helps people have the confidence they need to be successful at work and to change career while maintaining a good work/life balance. You can email her at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com

• Leadership and Emotional Intelligence(wisewolftalking.com)

  ---

We’ve all sat there haven’t we, trying hard to concentrate as the presenter drones on and on. That monotonous voice and the endless boring Power Point Slides! We are bored and we know everyone else is too – no one is paying attention!

Of course, if the you, the presenter, suddenly shouted fire we’d all be up and out of those seats in a shot. But what else can you, do to help us pay attention?

Here are my tips.

1. Start with a bang – open with impact.Start off with something that really grabs your audience’s attention. No don’t shout fire – but do say something memorable. Make a strong impression and get their interest straight away. You could start with a remarkable fact about the organization or something surprising about you. But don’t be too shocking in a work environment.
2. Say why you are there – tell them your purpose. Why are you speaking to them?Tell your audience clearly what this is about. Be clear yourself why you are there and then make it clear to them. Then stick to your purpose. Make sure your presentation is well focused.
3. Be the leader – stay in control. This is your presentation and you are responsible for it. Show you are in control Make sure you do the talking, not your slides. They are only exist to support you Make sure you let your personality show through.
4. Make it the right length.  Short and interesting is much better than long and boring.  After the Battle of Gettysburg in 1863, famous orator Edward Everett stood up and talked about the battle for two hours. Then Abraham Lincoln delivered the Gettysburg Address in two minutes. Who do you think made more impact?
5. Stay on the subject. If you are talking about something your audience is interested in, they will not fall asleep. Do you have some special news to share with them? Are you about to solve a problem for them?  Stay with that and they will stay with you.
6. Have a call to action. Do you know what you want the audience to do as a result of your presentation? Put it at the end of the presentation for impact. Make it clear and end with it.
7. You gotta practice! Anything and everything is improved with editing, polishing, smoothing and practicing. Practice your presentation and it will be far more effective when you deliver it.
8. Be confident.This is easier said than done,. But practice will help. Have a short relaxation technique to use in the rest room before hand if you know that you suffer from stage fright. The practice and taking time to prepare properly on the day, will also help with that. Try to enjoy yourself if you can then your audience will do so too.
9. Be prepared for the unexpected. Things can go wrong. You can lose your notes on the day for example. So have a back up plan and, if you can, try out the equipment before you start.
10. Give a presentation you would enjoy – make it interesting If you are passionate about your subject and enjoy it, others will too. If you are warm and interesting – they will love it.

If you have tips to share with others , please share them here. I would love to hear about your experiences of giving presentations.

Would you like to have more confidence when you give presentations? Get in touch – my email address is below.

Wendy Mason is a Life and Career Coach.  She helps people have the confidence they need to be successful at work and to change career while maintaining a good work/life balance. You can email her at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com

Other articles you may enjoy

• Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 1 Admit A Change is Needed(wisewolftalking.com)

  ---

• Career Development – Dealing With a New Boss(wisewolftalking.com)

  ---

• Job Search – Saying Thank You After The Interview Is A Must(wisewolftalking.com)

International managerial consultant Laurens van den Muyzenberg identified the business leadership undercurrent in the 1990s after he was hired to advise the Dalai Lama.

Realizing the great potential in combining their respective expertise, van den Muyzenberg and the Dalai Lama co-authored The Leader’s Way, applying Buddhism to business practices.

“Most of my clients do face difficult ethical problems,” says van den Muyzenberg, who consults leaders. “It’s hard to find somebody with the kind of ethical prestige that [the Dalai Lama] has.”

Professor  C.O. Herkströter, former CEO of Shell and Chairman of the Board of ING wrote this when reviewing the book.

“This book examines capitalism and Buddhism in a fascinating way. Everybody in business who is seriously interested in responsible entrepreneurship will recognise the issues. The book adds a valuable dimension to the values and ethical standards that form the basis for responsible leadership in business.”

The approach represents the synthesis of East and West and provides an inspiring manifesto for business change. The first part of The Leader’s Way two-part message is this: in order to lead, you must understand the reasons for our actions then you can act to  solve problems through integrity, respect and sensitivity toward others.

In the last post in this series  I discussed the need to face reality,  admit that a change is needed and then take responsibility for action.  Now you need to be quite clear about what you need to change.

You need to be as specific and detailed as you can in the way you define the change.  Starting with a clear and detailed description has a huge impact on how successful the change might be.  If you don’t really know what you want, you can still find yourself  very disappointed.

Define the change – tips!

Here are some tips for defining the problem you are trying to solve in making your change

1. Start with what you know now! Write down as much as possible about the thing you want to change, why you want to make a change and how you plan to make it.
2. Consider what other information you might need. What gaps are there in your knowledge about the change you want to make.  Do you understand completely how you are going to make the change and what the full effects might be?  For example, will other people be effected?  Do you need their support in making the change and are you likely to get it? How much time and money will it cost to do it and do you have those resources available?  Does making this change mean you will need to make others – what will they be?
3. Collect the information you need.  This could include both facts and the opinions of others about the change you plan.  What has been their experience in making a similar change – what has worked for them and what has not?  Try to gather as much information as you can.

Now you are ready to define the change you want to make.

If you have gone through the steps above, you are now ready to set down in detail what your change is and how you want to make it.  Write it down and make it as clear, colorful and detailed as you can.

The next post in this series is going to cover handling emotions when making changes in our lives. No significant change is made without some impact on our emotions and knowing how to manage that impact can be key to success.

I would love to hear your experiences in making changes in your life

Working with a coach can help you to change successfully – email me at the address below for information on how I can help you.

Wendy Mason is a Life and Career Coach.  She helps people have the confidence they need to be successful at work and to change career while maintaining a good work/life balance. You can email her at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com

Related articles

• Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 1 Admit A Change is Needed(wisewolftalking.com)

  ---

• Career Development – Dealing With a New Boss(wisewolftalking.com)

  ---

• Job Search – Saying Thank You After The Interview Is A Must(wisewolftalking.com)

  ---

disappointment. (Photo credit: gogoloopie)

So, sadly, you didn’t get the job. The first message is don’t take it personally.

A job interview really isn’t a measure of your personal or professional worth.  It is about an organization matching people against the criteria they have chosen to apply.  So they didn’t think you were the perfect match on the day.  That doesn’t mean you are not an outstanding professional with great ability – it just means they think they were not looking for you.

Interviews are not about personal or professional validation and don’t use them for that.  If you need to work on your confidence – use other methods – job interviews are very risky.

Unfortunately not getting the job can lead us to ruminate on past failure. That just makes you feel miserable – try to stay in the present.  Focus on what you are good at and what you really care about – recognize that no one is perfect.

But do try to learn from the experience. What could you have done differently?  Make sure you get as much feedback as you can.  And then evaluate – don’t take any criticism personally and don’t assume automatically that it is valid in terms of you and your performance – it is the view they formed in their context.  But do listen and read carefully any feedback you are given.

Accept reality – rejection is part of job search – particularly in the current climate.  Buttress yourself up against it and keep it in perspective.  Don’t start blaming them or yourself for what has happened but do accept responsibility for your own performance and accept valid and reasonable criticism, given in good faith.

Know that you are not alone.  Every day countless others are sharing your experience.  Sometimes it helps to seek out others and share support.  You can also share contacts and job leads.  Find a local job club.

Stay healthy, eat, exercise and spend part of everyday doing something you really enjoy.  Upwards and onwards the right job for you might be just round the next corner.

If you need support from a coach in your job search, I’ll be happy to help.  My email address is below.

Wendy Mason is a Life and Career Coach.  She helps people have the confidence they need to be successful at work and to change career while maintaining a good work/life balance. You can email her at wendymason
@wisewolfcoaching.com

Other articles you might like

• Job Search – Saying Thank You After The Interview Is A Must(wisewolftalking.com)

  ---

• Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 1 Admit A Change is Needed(wisewolftalking.com)

  ---

• Career Development – Dealing With a New Boss(wisewolftalking.com)

  ---

Photo credit: familymwr

Career Development – Dealing With a New Boss

So there you are, happy in your job and doing quite well. You get on well with your boss and he/she thinks well of you and advocates for you with top management.  You couldn’t ask for much more really.

Then one day you get the news.  Your boss is moving on to set up a new division on the other side of the world in two week’s time.

You feel devastated and you start worry.  What will the new boss be like and who will it be?  The rumors start and they are never very positive are they? “That tough manager from finance is coming” or “They are going to take the opportunity to make cuts.” 

Stay Neutral But Prepare

You know the rumors are just that – this is nature filling a vacuum.

Stay calm but keep your wits about you till you have some real news.  If you can help your present boss to tie up the loose ends before departure do so – it will make life easier later.  See what you can find out about a possible successor and when you have a name, do your research.

Find out as much as possible about them but stay in a neutral space. Don’t add to the rumor mill and don’t assume that reputations are always justified – give your new boss a chance. But accept that this will be a time of change – let the past go with gratitude, rather than regrets. 

Give the new boss some space 

When the new boss arrives, give them time and space to settle in.  Don’t rush to be the first to make a good impression – there will be lots of people doing that.  But be courteous and welcoming – be optimistic.  Do your job as well as you can. 

Help when it is needed

 Show you are willing to help and support when it is needed.  Make it clear you are happy to share your knowledge of the organization and to make introductions. But accept that your new boss will have their own way of doing things and too much “this is how we do things here” from you, will really irritate.

Be authentic – don’t pretend to know more than you do or be more than you are!

 Be yourself with the new boss and don’t pretend to know more than you do.  If the boss asks a question you can’t answer, then offer to go and find out – don’t bluff, if they are any good they will see straight through it. Above all, don’t pretend to be someone in the organization that you are not – pretending to be on first name terms with the CEO can rebound on you. 

Take the opportunity to rebuild your professional image 

Most new bosses will have made enquiries about key people in their new team.  But this is still to some extent a chance to make a fresh start.  As you get to know your new boss, take the opportunity to make a new and positive impression.  Show how good you are and, when the new boss is settled in, make sure they know how interested you are in your own career.

What about new bosses who want to bring in new teams?

It is a fact of life that some new bosses prefer to bring in new teams. In your research before the new boss arrives, you may be able to find out if this is what they have done in the past.  If so, be prepared!

Do all the things, I’ve suggested above and give your new boss an opportunity to see how valuable and how flexible you are.  Show them that you can adapt to the new situation. But at the same time brush up your CV and keep an eye open for other possibilities.  Make sure you line-up your old boss up to give you a glowing reference.

If your new boss does want to make a complete change but sees how valuable you are, you might at the very least get their support in finding something new. You might be surprised by a request that you stay!

Accept life as it is now and make the best of it!

Accept that change is happening.  Things cannot stay the same, so accept the change with grace.  You will be sorry to see your boss go.  But the future is full of new possibilities.  Do your best to make the most of the opportunity.

If you have tips for dealing with new bosses, please share them here.

If you need the support of a coach in dealing with your change, please get in touch.  My email address is below.

Wendy Mason is a Life and Career Coach.  She helps people have theconfidence they need to be successful at work and to change career while maintaining a good work/life balance. You can email her at wendymason @wisewolfcoaching.com

Related articles

• Career Development – Dealing with a difficult boss(wisewolftalking.com)

  Job Search – Saying Thank You After The Interview Is A Must

  The Power Of Dreams – Your Wednesday Quotes From Wisewolf
  Thursday Quotes for Leaders and Managers – On Trust
  Managing People – Know Yourself!

   

  ---

Monday Quotes for Leaders and Managers – Management and Motivation

• My mentor said, “Let’s go do it” not “You go do it.” How powerful when someone says, “Lets!” Jim Rohn
• The most powerful and predictable people-builders are praise and encouragement. Brian Tracy
• Reinforce what you want to see repeated. What gets rewarded gets done. Brian Tracy
• We cannot build our own future without helping others to build theirs. Bill Clinton
• Managing is like holding a dove in your hand. Squeeze too hard and you kill it, not hard enough and it flies away. Tommy Lasorda 
• Encourage your people to be committed to a project rather than just be involved in it. Richard Pratt
• A manager is an assistant to their people. Thomas J Watson
• The one word that makes a good manager – decisiveness Lee Iacocca
• Develop your people. Focus on their strengths. Then make high demands based on a person’s strengths. Finally, periodically view their performance Peter Drucker
• Success in management is when those you manage succeed, and the organization you work for succeeds. Unknown
• People become really quite remarkable when they start thinking that they can do things. When they believe in themselves they have the first secret of success. Norman Vincent Peale

Wendy Mason is a Life and Career Coach.  She helps people have theconfidence they need to be successful at work and to change career while maintaining a good work/life balance. You can email her at wendymason @wisewolfcoaching.com